All posts by Karen Haines

My New Year’s Resolutions for Christmas 2014

You’d think that by now there’d be some things about Christmas preparations that I’d have down. Me the long time Mom, Santa’s helper and list maker. But another Christmas has come and gone, and again I found myself running around, stressed, wrapping presents at one am after a few too many “hard” eggnogs.

So this New Year’s I’m writing myself a letter, to be opened November 15, 2014. Next Christmas I will heed my own warnings (I hope). Continue reading

One Week of Questions

Why are we so hung up on time? I mean, I know WHY time is so important, we live in an era where timing is down to the minute and sometimes the second. On any given day you will hear people say things like:

The bus comes in 17 minutes.
Cook in microwave for 3 and 1/2 minutes.
I’ll give you a 5-7 minute spot.
How long does it take to cook Minute rice.
There’s 3:08 minutes left in this period.

But why is it that when we get to the part of our day when we can relax and stop worrying about the minutes and seconds that are passing, we still press each other for the precise details? Time doesn’t really matter for ALL things but we still quiz each other.
Continue reading

Something No Comic Wants to Think About

I think if I were a comedian I would have to bring a disinfectant wipe up to stage with me to wipe down the mic before I could feel comfortable holding it. There’s nowhere that mic hasn’t been.  I have seen comedians rub the Mic in their unwashed hair, put it in their mouths, rub it in their arm pits or crotches, and sometimes hold it to their butts to hear an alleged fart. Some comics spit when they talk. It’s been dropped on the floor and left on the beer soaked front row table. Comics have been drinking and smoking all manner of things and breathing that offensive breath into that poor mic. Not to mention the filthy words that microphone has had pass through it. And their hands! Are they joking when they say they masturbate before they come on stage? Do they wash their hands before taking hold of the microphone?

I would be more tempted to try stand up comedy if it weren’t for the mic.