Cat Lexicon

Hi cat-fans and dream-dates!

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably got cats on your mind for most of your waking hours.

And if you’re especially like me, these persistent cat-thoughts often spill out of your mouth towards anyone within earshot, like so much verbal cat-diarrhea. (No one said this was gonna be clean, folks.)

In order to mentally organize my unique and constant cat observations, I’ve developed my very own Cat Lexicon! Regular words just don’t cut it anymore!

Care to take a look?

Below are just a few of many key terms; essential for any cat-enthusiast worth their salt.
teepees
Teepees:  Refers to a pair of cat ears; specifically the thin, pointed tip. I often use my thumb and forefinger to check a cat’s “teepee temperature” and the read always comes back ‘chilled.’ i.e. “Yep, those are some chilled teepees ya got there!”

freshies
Freshies: The extra bit of ear-flap on the outside edge of their teepees. Freshies act as filters which omit swear words and bad news from a cat’s audio-linguistic input.
For example, if some jerk were to say “Hey, kitty! It’s gonna fuckin’ rain on your birthday!” all the cat would hear is “Hey kitty! ……your birthday!”
Thanks, freshies!

slipper-sprout
Slipper-Sprouts: Long, silky strands of fur that stick out between the pinky-pads of long-haired cats. Cats with Slipper-Sprouts are at a disadvantage, as they offer zero traction on tile, linoleum and hardwood. Sharp turns at high speeds are out of the question!

pajama
Pajama-Party: Any gathering of two or more cats, anywhere, at any time. Cats are in a constant liminal state between being naked and wearing clothes. They aren’t naked because of their fur-onesies, but they aren’t dressed either because they never actually put anything on. So what are you wearing if you aren’t naked and you aren’t dressed? Well, probably pajamas. Throw a friend in the mix and you got yourself a PJ Party!!!

beach
The Beach: A cat’s gross poo-box. i.e. “Ugh,you reek! Did you just come from the beach?!”

pocky
Pocky: When cats subtly drop their lower jaw after sniffing something extra weird or delicious. Cats have an organ in the roof of their mouth that sometimes fills with air to let in maximum smelliness, forcing their mouth to open. It’s called the Jacobson’s Organ, and it’s more sensitive in some cats than in others. Typical stimulants include steak, gravy and other savory human foods, gross boy’s-shoes and other cat’s butts.

One thought on “Cat Lexicon

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *