Don’t date a girl who wears boots, one of these days those boots are gonna to walk all over you.
Have you noticed these articles lately? They’re called: “Date a girl who does this” or “Don’t date a girl who does that,” mainly written by women, about women. I am not a fan. I’m not even totally sure what bugs me about this trend so much. It might be because there is something limiting about labeling people as “girls who read” or “girls who travel” – and while we’re here, since when are we ‘girls?’ I mean, women, at least, if you’re going to bother dating someone, date a woman.
But maybe the thing that gets me is that they’re not really about dating at all. I feel like these articles are about something else entirely. I think what they’re trying to say is more: “I think I’m great, and that other women like me are great.” And that’s great. Unfortunately though, framing the articles with “date a girl who…” feels a bit like defining women through the men who might want to date them. There’s just something about the title that makes me imagine the Internet serving women up on a pretty platter especially for the male gaze, like we’re all some sort of buffet just waiting for men to sample. And we’re people, damn it, we’re definitely not here on Earth to please all the men. You can take your platter and EAT ME!
If you actually go on and read the articles, it’s not about that at all. I’m pretty sure these articles aren’t even aimed at men looking for advice on dating. I think it’s women who are actually reading them, and feeling empowered and all that, well fine. Perhaps it’s just the title that gets to me.
I guess I am frustrated because I feel like this is all so very beside the point. I mean, you’re going to date anyone you damn please, really. You’re going to date a person with nice eyes and a nice butt, and then maybe later you’ll find out that they also do hot yoga and then you’ll still be way more interested in their nice butt.
So here’s my response, aimed at both genders:
Date anyone you damn please, we’re none of us perfect.
Drink way too much on the first date and accidentally and unwisely sleep with each other way too soon. Don’t drink at all on the first date and have jittery kisses later from too much caffeine. Drink just enough on the first date and totally mess up your whole next day but it doesn’t matter because you had such a great time with a new person.
Date someone that you can talk to.
Spend hours on the phone together talking about nothing until your friends start to become worried that you’ve died because they haven’t seen you for days. Spend hours texting funny nonsense to each other until you’ve developed blisters on both your thumbs and you can’t wait to see the other person again. Take long-ass walks in the park together that you enjoy so much you don’t even realize it’s raining until you both come down with the sniffles a few days later.
Date someone that shares some of your interests.
Date someone who reads, date someone who does hot yoga, or date someone who travels. I really could care less who you date, but date someone who likes at least one thing that you don’t hate. Because if they don’t like any of the same things you like, you won’t like doing things together, and doing things together is sort of the whole point.
Date someone that you would like to do sexy things with.
Sort of the whole point.
Learn to be patient with yourself, and to be patient with one another
There is no mirror more beautifying or horrifying than your lovers eyes can be. Learn to support each other and to be patient with the others flaws. Give yourself a break once in a while too, we’re none of us perfect.