Do you have an avocado and too much time on your hands? If so, why not grow your own avocado tree? It’s not exactly fun, or particularly useful, but it is something that you can blog about when you don’t have anything real to contribute! Yay!
- Find an avocado. Remove the pit and wash it thoroughly. Use the avocado to make guacamole, or, if you don’t mind me saying so, perhaps a face mask? Let’s be real, all the avocado trees in the world won’t land you a comedy husband if you don’t do something about that flakey skin.
- Jab three toothpicks into the pit, evenly spaced around the circumference. Try to aim them a little bit downward. The bottom is the wider half with the weird belly-button thing.
- Place the pit into a small dish of water so that the lower half is submerged and the pointy end is sticking up. Find it a sunny spot on your windowsill. Wait. Keep refilling the water as needed to keep the bottom submerged. Wait more. Try to prevent your cats, babies or comedians from knocking it over. Keep waiting.
- Eventually, (I’m talking weeks here), the thing will split open and you’ll see a root appear from the bottom and a stalk will shoot up from the top. Once the stalk is a few inches tall, plant the whole thing, pit and all, into a small pot filled with potting soil. ***BONUS POINTS: Before planting, grab some acrylic paints and turn that boring old pot into something WICKED AWESOME by painting it hot pink and covering it with BADASS skulls!!*** Keep your new plant well-watered and in a nice sunny spot. Every six inches or so, pinch off the top two leaves – this will encourage outward growth.
- Congratulations! You now have your own avocado tree! Soon you’ll be eating all the fresh avocados that you want! All that’s left is to take extremely diligent care of your new plant for the next 18 years or so until it’s mature enough to bear fruit! Oh, and you should probably start another one because I think they need to cross-pollinate or something.