Toilet Humor

We got a new toilet, Mike live-tweeted the whole thing. It was not widely re-tweeted. Turns out that not that many of our friends and followers want to hear about our bathroom adventures.

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As I see it, the world of romance is sharply divided between couples who enjoy toilet humor and couples who don’t. Mike and I fall squarely into the former category. Not only do we fart in front of each other, but we’ll fart and then start singing a song about it.

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Setting: you’re with your boyfriend on a metro escalator. Sung to the tune of: Aerosmith’s Love in an Elevator.

“Fart in an escalator, stinking it up as we’re going down.”

That was me. I’m no lady. Then of course because he’s a comedian this minor inside joke gets turned into six minutes of fart song parodies to be performed at the next Stand up Tuesdays. (And only there, it’s our show, we can do what we want.) Ok fine, I reluctantly helped him come up with some of them.

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What’s that? You want to know what other song parodies were included in the massive six minute fart song medley to which we subjected our poor audience? Well there’s Lionel Richie’s Fart all night long, and KISS’ Shart It Out Loud. What’s that? Stop? Ok.

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“When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die” – Cersei Lannister

The thing is toilet humor is universal. Whether or not you want to think about it, everybody does it. There’s just not that much else that every single person in the world can relate to.

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And sure, I get it, in the hands of an idiot comedian, toilet humor can be as bad as masturbating humor, and I just don’t want to hear about it. Although to be honest, if faced with a choice between the two, I would go toilet every time. While you young men may find jerking off to be the most fascinating thing in the world, trust me when I say we probably don’t want to hear about it.

But see, in the hands of a an artist, a good fart or poop joke, that’s not too gross or descriptive, can be utterly transcendent.

Farts are—I just refuse to be snobbish about certain shit with comedy. You know, farts come out of your ass and they make a fucking trumpet sound. That shit smelling gas comes out of your ass and it makes a toot sound. What the fuck is not funny about that? It’s perfect, it’s a perfect joke. It has all the elements.
Louis CK [Time, 2011]

Alright look, I tried to find some concrete examples, but you’re just going to have to trust me on this one. (I guess it’s not for everyone, but just thinking about SNL’s Colon Blow parody commercial makes me giggle out loud.)

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I’m not even close to saying that that’s what we’re doing here. We’re just two immature people who got a huge kick out of live-tweeting getting a new toilet.

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Not to out Sarah’s husband as an aficionado of toilet humor, but whenever Mike and Andrew and our good friend Al get together there tends to be a whole heck of a lot of Wilford Brimley impersonations going around the dinner table. The smallest mention of Oatmeal or anything toilet related will get them started. It’s a mess. And I love it.

Throwing the Old one out.
“It’s the right thing to do.”

In case anyone is wondering, our new toilet has double flush technology and a slightly higher seat, but we decided against getting an extended bowl. Our apartment and bathroom are small so we always have to be careful with modern appliances intended for mcmansions and not for tiny, hundred-year-old Plateau condos.

Last tweet on this subject

Thank you for (maybe unwillingly) joining us on our journey! We’re super excited about our new toilet. For obvious reasons. (POOP!)

 

Wilford Brimley in no way endorses this post, but he would encourage you to eat yer oatmeal and keep yer terlet flushin.

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